It’s been 1 hour since I saw the tweet. I didn’t believe it. I thought surely the account had been hacked, and it was another one of many hoaxes. It’s been 47 minutes since his son, Duncan Jones, confirmed that it was indeed true.

I’ve never cried while typing before. I’m not sure I like the sensation too much, but here I am. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself after an hour of absolute panic and shock. I imagine this entire post will just be a horribly written, rambley mess of my feelings.

David Robert Jones, or as most of us knew him, David Bowie, was one of the most important people in my life. And I never even met him.

David Bowie has been with me since the beginning. I remember listening to “Changes” in my family’s purple Dodge minivan when I was small. Blasting “Rebel, Rebel” in my room at age 15. Humming along to “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)” as I walked to class during my first semester of college. …listening to “Lazarus” right now.

Just this past Friday, my mother drove me to Target to buy his new album. The entire drive home, I talked her ear off about him, telling her things I had told her before, and that she probably knew before me, but I couldn’t help myself because he is, was, will always be, one of the most indescribable humans to have ever graced this Earth.

He was Ziggy Stardust. He was The Thin White Duke. He was The Goblin King. He was David fucking Bowie. And he was so much more. He was a musical genius, as we all know. He was an infinite talent and a source of light to so many, including myself. He disregarded gender norms, and was a defender of self-expression. He always seemed otherworldly, and now he has left this world. I always called him my god, but even gods aren’t always immortal. There will never be anyone like him.

Love you forever, Starman. Rest in peace. I hope you find life on mars.

x

Casey

PS: I could write so much more about this man. Pages and pages and pages. But my heart hurts quite a lot right now, and I think I need to step away.